Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
