What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
