hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
