I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
