i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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