Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
