Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
