State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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