I cockslap morals
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
