Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
