My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
