my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
