my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
