well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
