Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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