I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
