having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
