Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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