Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
