having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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