we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
