Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
