I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
