I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
