Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
