Who did Billy Mays play for?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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