I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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