i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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