do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
