Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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