you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize