Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
