Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize