last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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