He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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