So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its liver damage thursday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
