remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
