I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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