If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
