he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
