I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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