Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
