Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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