I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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