Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
