I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
