I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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