I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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