I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
