I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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