I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize