what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
