saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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