I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
