is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
