tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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