my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
