i think i have two assholes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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