Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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