And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she pinky promised me she was 18
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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