Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
