i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
