saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
