If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize