I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize