Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
