you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
