and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
