Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
