He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
