I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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