I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
did you just send me my own nude
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
