but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
