My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
