thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This house was built for laser tag.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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