Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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