burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
