i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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