I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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