I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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