guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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