In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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