the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
