he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm passing your future prison.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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