Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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