so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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