I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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