No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
