So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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