he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
