this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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