Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
did i walk over a car last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
