Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
