sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Found your dick twin last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
