i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
