Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
