you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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