dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fuck appropriateness.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she peed on how many people?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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